I feel like I'm already going crazy from all this free time. What am I doing?! Why did I quit my job? I mean, I know I quit my job because it was super lame and stressful, but ... BLAGAGGHH!
I'm not doing all the things I told myself I would be doing! I keep freaking out about all the to-do-for-LIFE lists I've made for myself and running off to do random things like read blogs or watch old episodes of House. Shouldn't I be studying 9 hours a day? Or writing cover letters for assistant teaching positions?
I had a good Kumon day tutoring the children, but I am not bold enough to go up to the substitute teachers who work there and ask them, "HOW DO YOU DO WHAT YOU DO AND HOW CAN I ALSO DO THIS?!" I am the meekest.
I admire Amy D., who I met on JET a few years back. I'll be visiting her in June when I go to Berkley to do my iD Tech Camps training and I'll have to pick her brain. Not only can this girl play the banjo, but she went through a masters program that she hated and now she has a job that she's really doing wonders with ESL kids. I wish I could have some of her awesomeness, but for now I'm just glad to be buddies with her so I can ask her a million billion questions about ... things.
I sat down with dinner tonight in my rocking chair and felt lonely all of a sudden. Megan is out with friends tonight doing JET alumni things and Kevin is out with his friends doing happy hour, which I opted out of because it feels irresponsible to spend money on beer when I should be saving my money for grad school and impending unemployment etc. All of this non-Rachel fraternization leaves me high and dry in the social department. I guess after all those hours alone in my apartment, the last place I want to be in the evening is alone in my apartment. Although I should probably get used to being by myself since that's what happens when you don't have a job! Baby steps.
For now I'm going to run away from my crippling fear of inadequacy by actually going for a jog on ye olde treadmill in the downstairs exercise area.
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