Rachel K. Hunger Games

From what I understand, getting a job within a public school district is ridiculous and competitive. All the jobs come out around the same time (April or May) and none of the interviews really happen until the summer unless you are applying for a really specific or specialized position. Kevin has been listening to my building woes about interviewing without any real idea of how I'm doing or whether or not there is a purpose to these "pre-screening" interviews on campus. Today he told me he felt like vying for a teaching job was basically the Hunger Games.

I was born into a broken family an educational system that does not have any money.
I volunteered to head into "the game" to save my younger sister's life to earn the income to buy back my younger sister's used car.
I become a tribute for the 2012-2013 Hunger Games school year.
People tell me what to say, how to act, what to wear, and how to fake a relationship with Peeta Melark write resumes and cover letters.
I desperately want to head to District 13 the Seattle District, but it is a graveyard (for new teacher positions).
All at once, I and my competition are brought to the arena.
At the sound of the horn completion of the budget, the games begin.
Utter chaos.
There is only one stack of resources and everyone heads towards them at the same time.
Few survive.
Then I hopefully kill everyone receive a job offer and win the games the right to a one-year contract that will likely expire.
Then basically the same thing happens for two more books years until I reach my melancholy ending continuing contract.

Behold, the illustrated version:

Rachel K. Desperate

Seattle weather has taken a turn for the autumnal, which is a comfort and a reminder that I have been here longer than a year now. The leaves are starting to turn gold and red on a few kinds of trees and the air has turned crisper. It's the kind of weather that is conducive to reading, eating pie, and wearing over-sized sweaters. One of the blessings of having no real source of employment is that I have the time to enjoy these fall days at home and around downtown Seattle. The downside to having no real source of employment is that I have no real source of income, which is a constant reminder that I am fucked need graduate school to work out.

School-wise, I've been making slow progress. I've finally turned my applications in to the University of Washington and Seattle University. At this point I would gladly go to any school that would accept me, but I am currently hoping against hopes for UW to open up their lovin' arms and allow me the distinct pleasure of learning. I have also signed up as a second-class citizen non-matriculated student for two classes at UW. I'm on standby for Intro to Geology and Intro to Globalization. These classes, in theory, will fulfil my world geography and lab science course requirements as pre-requisites to either UW or SU graduate programs. In other words I've spent $3,000 in the hopes of taking classes to fulfil the needs of universities, in hopes that these universities will accept me.  I remain hopeful, since it's all I can really do.

On the community college front, I have applied for studentship at Seattle Central Community College, located on Capital Hill and right across the street from a Panera Bread that will OPEN SOON (according to its banner.) I took a math placement exam, but didn't place well enough to take the elementary school teacher math course that I need for one of my pre-requisites... SO I have spent the last weekend studying my polynomials and I plan to retake the placement test this week. This time I'll be ready! This is very much due to the kindly tutoring of Kevin, who has an exponential amount of patience with me and my inability to absorb mathematical concepts. <3

In the end of my application process, I took the WEST-E, which is the teacher's exam in Washington State for elementary endorsements. I have no idea if I passed, which is really scary. If I don't pass it, it could mean I don't get a graduate program this year, which would be an enormous set-back. I really hope I passed, and that's all I can do. On the bright side, it's the last exam I need to take, which is a tremendous relief. Or... a relief if I passed, anyway.

I am still tutoring part-time at the Kumon Center, which is my only source of income right now. My boss, Marty, has created a new position for me that she hopes will work out for me as well as for her. I'm somewhat of a glorified secretary starting in October. I'll be doing less tutoring, which is a bummer, but I'll have more responsibilities as a new title as, "classroom manager," which looks fancier than "tutor." I am thankful for the Kumon Center and all of the cash and sanity it has provided me with over the past year. Plus, my students are awesome and they're all getting SO TALL.

I am currently looking for part-time employment to supplement my meager income from Kumon and to give me more of a purpose in life. A year in Seattle and here I am applying to retail stores, the apple store, and coffee vendors that aren't Starbucks (I don't think they'll hire me back.) The apple store and multiple retail venues have thus far rejected me, but I am holding out for some kind of waitressing or barista position where I won't be expected to stay for the long haul. I just need something for the rest of the year or until I can finagle my way into a teacher certification program.

I feel more and more desperate all the time, I won't lie. All of my money from summer camp is going into classes and I feel like I am not making any progress with finding something to bring the money in. I hate that I have to focus on and worry about money and part-time jobs when I should really be focusing on salvaging a career out of this past year, which has been a glorious mess. Everything's always backwards. I'm stressed out and I hate that I'm 25 and I can't justify buying a hoodie for fall or yarn to make Christmas presents for my family. I've been filling a lot of the time with studying and baking bread. Somehow baking bread makes my day feel infinitely more successful, and I don't suppose I'll ever know why.

In a nutshell, my social and love lives are top notch, my professional life is non-existent, and I'm worried and anxious almost all of the time. I hope that my next blog post will be a lot more hopeful and that it will report a lot of GOOD THINGS. I will be hearing back from the Universities I applied to starting in October in any case.

I just want to teach.

Rachel K. Blergh

I've been terrible about posting since I started camp... but now that I'm done with camp I can get back into blogging and trying to fill up my free hours of time and sadness. Hooray!

Camp was awesome. I worked there for eight straight weeks as an assistant director, which had me busy learning how to be managerial and to create order out of chaos. I also had to learn how to balance my newly acclaimed power with NOT being the director, which sucked. I'll probably apply for director next year since I think it'd be sweet to have LIMITLESS POWER AND INTRIGUE. And y'know because it's good money and good fun and it's the only decent job I've had in over a year now.

So now I'm back to not being in a graduate school program and to not having a job or job offer. It sucks. I've been enjoying these last warm days of Seattle summer and have been applying to the odd evening-friendly job like at hotels or costplus world market or the elusive apple store. Hopefully one of them will hire me and I'll have some kind of source of income to pay for my ridiculous pre-requisite classes for the graduate programs I seek to join.

I've taken one of the teacher exams, the WEST-B, which I passed with gusto! It was a four hour exam testing me on the basics of reading, writing and math. It was brutal simply because it was SO LONG. The next one is the WEST-E test, which has more specific questions aimed at elementary school endorsements. I need to study up on all the little modules such as the properties of light and color, elementary level physical education, language arts, history etc. I'm having fun studying for it (it's not like the GRE where it's difficult for no particular reason,) and I'm hoping to pass the test with flying colors come September 11th.

The next important date will be September 17th, which is the date that my application to the University of Washington is due.

Aside from the WEST-E test, I'm working on planning out and completing my pre-requisite courses for UW and Seattle U. I'm on standby as a non-matriculated student for a Geology 101 class and I'm hoping to take a geography one at the University of Washington as well. The only downside is that the classes are $1500 a piece and I have almost no money because I have almost no job. So, I'm hoping to take the rest of the classes I need to be considered for the grad programs at a community college because truly that is how dreams are made.

Until then I keep working part-time at Kumon and praying for some more employment, even if it's not a fulfilling or interesting job. I will sell chocolate or computers. Somebody hire me for the love of God.

On the plus side, Ian is getting back on Wednesday from Japan and I will have someone to commiserate with and go to art museums with!

Rachel K. Acclamating

I feel like I'm already going crazy from all this free time. What am I doing?! Why did I quit my job? I mean, I know I quit my job because it was super lame and stressful, but ... BLAGAGGHH!

I'm not doing all the things I told myself I would be doing! I keep freaking out about all the to-do-for-LIFE lists I've made for myself and running off to do random things like read blogs or watch old episodes of House. Shouldn't I be studying 9 hours a day? Or writing cover letters for assistant teaching positions?

I had a good Kumon day tutoring the children, but I am not bold enough to go up to the substitute teachers who work there and ask them, "HOW DO YOU DO WHAT YOU DO AND HOW CAN I ALSO DO THIS?!" I am the meekest.

I admire Amy D., who I met on JET a few years back. I'll be visiting her in June when I go to Berkley to do my iD Tech Camps training and I'll have to pick her brain. Not only can this girl play the banjo, but she went through a masters program that she hated and now she has a job that she's really doing wonders with ESL kids. I wish I could have some of her awesomeness, but for now I'm just glad to be buddies with her so I can ask her a million billion questions about ... things.

I sat down with dinner tonight in my rocking chair and felt lonely all of a sudden. Megan is out with friends tonight doing JET alumni things and Kevin is out with his friends doing happy hour, which I opted out of because it feels irresponsible to spend money on beer when I should be saving my money for grad school and impending unemployment etc. All  of this non-Rachel fraternization leaves me high and dry in the social department. I guess after all those hours alone in my apartment, the last place I want to be in the evening is alone in my apartment. Although I should probably get used to being by myself since that's what happens when you don't have a job! Baby steps. 

For now I'm going to run away from my crippling fear of inadequacy by actually going for a jog on ye olde treadmill in the downstairs exercise area.