Rachel K. Desperate

Seattle weather has taken a turn for the autumnal, which is a comfort and a reminder that I have been here longer than a year now. The leaves are starting to turn gold and red on a few kinds of trees and the air has turned crisper. It's the kind of weather that is conducive to reading, eating pie, and wearing over-sized sweaters. One of the blessings of having no real source of employment is that I have the time to enjoy these fall days at home and around downtown Seattle. The downside to having no real source of employment is that I have no real source of income, which is a constant reminder that I am fucked need graduate school to work out.

School-wise, I've been making slow progress. I've finally turned my applications in to the University of Washington and Seattle University. At this point I would gladly go to any school that would accept me, but I am currently hoping against hopes for UW to open up their lovin' arms and allow me the distinct pleasure of learning. I have also signed up as a second-class citizen non-matriculated student for two classes at UW. I'm on standby for Intro to Geology and Intro to Globalization. These classes, in theory, will fulfil my world geography and lab science course requirements as pre-requisites to either UW or SU graduate programs. In other words I've spent $3,000 in the hopes of taking classes to fulfil the needs of universities, in hopes that these universities will accept me.  I remain hopeful, since it's all I can really do.

On the community college front, I have applied for studentship at Seattle Central Community College, located on Capital Hill and right across the street from a Panera Bread that will OPEN SOON (according to its banner.) I took a math placement exam, but didn't place well enough to take the elementary school teacher math course that I need for one of my pre-requisites... SO I have spent the last weekend studying my polynomials and I plan to retake the placement test this week. This time I'll be ready! This is very much due to the kindly tutoring of Kevin, who has an exponential amount of patience with me and my inability to absorb mathematical concepts. <3

In the end of my application process, I took the WEST-E, which is the teacher's exam in Washington State for elementary endorsements. I have no idea if I passed, which is really scary. If I don't pass it, it could mean I don't get a graduate program this year, which would be an enormous set-back. I really hope I passed, and that's all I can do. On the bright side, it's the last exam I need to take, which is a tremendous relief. Or... a relief if I passed, anyway.

I am still tutoring part-time at the Kumon Center, which is my only source of income right now. My boss, Marty, has created a new position for me that she hopes will work out for me as well as for her. I'm somewhat of a glorified secretary starting in October. I'll be doing less tutoring, which is a bummer, but I'll have more responsibilities as a new title as, "classroom manager," which looks fancier than "tutor." I am thankful for the Kumon Center and all of the cash and sanity it has provided me with over the past year. Plus, my students are awesome and they're all getting SO TALL.

I am currently looking for part-time employment to supplement my meager income from Kumon and to give me more of a purpose in life. A year in Seattle and here I am applying to retail stores, the apple store, and coffee vendors that aren't Starbucks (I don't think they'll hire me back.) The apple store and multiple retail venues have thus far rejected me, but I am holding out for some kind of waitressing or barista position where I won't be expected to stay for the long haul. I just need something for the rest of the year or until I can finagle my way into a teacher certification program.

I feel more and more desperate all the time, I won't lie. All of my money from summer camp is going into classes and I feel like I am not making any progress with finding something to bring the money in. I hate that I have to focus on and worry about money and part-time jobs when I should really be focusing on salvaging a career out of this past year, which has been a glorious mess. Everything's always backwards. I'm stressed out and I hate that I'm 25 and I can't justify buying a hoodie for fall or yarn to make Christmas presents for my family. I've been filling a lot of the time with studying and baking bread. Somehow baking bread makes my day feel infinitely more successful, and I don't suppose I'll ever know why.

In a nutshell, my social and love lives are top notch, my professional life is non-existent, and I'm worried and anxious almost all of the time. I hope that my next blog post will be a lot more hopeful and that it will report a lot of GOOD THINGS. I will be hearing back from the Universities I applied to starting in October in any case.

I just want to teach.

Rachel K. Blergh

I've been terrible about posting since I started camp... but now that I'm done with camp I can get back into blogging and trying to fill up my free hours of time and sadness. Hooray!

Camp was awesome. I worked there for eight straight weeks as an assistant director, which had me busy learning how to be managerial and to create order out of chaos. I also had to learn how to balance my newly acclaimed power with NOT being the director, which sucked. I'll probably apply for director next year since I think it'd be sweet to have LIMITLESS POWER AND INTRIGUE. And y'know because it's good money and good fun and it's the only decent job I've had in over a year now.

So now I'm back to not being in a graduate school program and to not having a job or job offer. It sucks. I've been enjoying these last warm days of Seattle summer and have been applying to the odd evening-friendly job like at hotels or costplus world market or the elusive apple store. Hopefully one of them will hire me and I'll have some kind of source of income to pay for my ridiculous pre-requisite classes for the graduate programs I seek to join.

I've taken one of the teacher exams, the WEST-B, which I passed with gusto! It was a four hour exam testing me on the basics of reading, writing and math. It was brutal simply because it was SO LONG. The next one is the WEST-E test, which has more specific questions aimed at elementary school endorsements. I need to study up on all the little modules such as the properties of light and color, elementary level physical education, language arts, history etc. I'm having fun studying for it (it's not like the GRE where it's difficult for no particular reason,) and I'm hoping to pass the test with flying colors come September 11th.

The next important date will be September 17th, which is the date that my application to the University of Washington is due.

Aside from the WEST-E test, I'm working on planning out and completing my pre-requisite courses for UW and Seattle U. I'm on standby as a non-matriculated student for a Geology 101 class and I'm hoping to take a geography one at the University of Washington as well. The only downside is that the classes are $1500 a piece and I have almost no money because I have almost no job. So, I'm hoping to take the rest of the classes I need to be considered for the grad programs at a community college because truly that is how dreams are made.

Until then I keep working part-time at Kumon and praying for some more employment, even if it's not a fulfilling or interesting job. I will sell chocolate or computers. Somebody hire me for the love of God.

On the plus side, Ian is getting back on Wednesday from Japan and I will have someone to commiserate with and go to art museums with!

Rachel K Meals on Wheels

I woke up at a decent hour this morning and proceeded to shower and then [gasp] study for the GRE!

Not only that, but I managed to REGISTER for the GRE, which was an easy process, but will be a grueling commute. Why can't they have a test center that is bus accessible? The closest bus stop to the center is still about a mile away so I'll have to walk after taking two buses, or rent a car from Zipcar. I'll figure it out; I'm sure it'll be the least of my worries that day, anyhow.

General financial panic is setting in as my Japan money still hasn't arrived and I'm not sure if the checking account correction I made and sent back to Tokyo ever made it. I trust in Japanese bureaucracy almost entirely, but when it comes to the postal service, I'm never sure. I just need those thousands of dollars so I can do things like buy real bed-side tables, get a coffee table, and go to the dentist. I still have enough in my savings account to last me more than the next few months of unemployment, but I want my Japanese pension refund already! I want it! Gimme!

Now begins the ides of March! Today after studying for a solid three hours (aided with TV in the background, coffee, tea, lunch, a snuggie-cape that I made complete with belt, and colour coded notes), I'm off to Kumon for tutoring! Then I will scurry off to meet Kevin at Chipotle for our weekly tradition; burrito Monday. It makes Mondays bearable and delicious.

The weekend was relaxing and exhausting. Kevin and I visited my old Starbucks to pick up my last batch of tips and to say hi to the weekend girls (Hilary, Ashley, Ally etc) who I miss now that I don't work there. Kevin said it was cute to see me with all the tittering girliness of the store -- and I was happy to have him see that I had friends outside of Megan and Sarah. Friends who I miss! We spoke to Hilary about joining us for rock climbing on Sunday and went off to the Mobile Food Festival near Safeco Field.

The food festival should have been cooler, probably. There were too many people, the lines were too long and there wasn't enough seating or shelter. The temperatures ranged between a chilly, sunny day and a blustery cold one. Kevin and I trouped through three lines total; pizza, hamburgers and finally hot dogs (after meeting up with Sarah and Ian from Fremont). The food was good, but in the end it was just too cold and crowded.

Kevin and I later played board games at his friend Greg's house and then we went home early for rock climbing with Hilary on Sunday! We sprinted for the bus to Ballard, which we then had to wait for, and met Hilary at Stone Gardens around noon.

We climbed and climbed! Kevin had gone climbing the previous day, but went again with me because he is a trouper and loves climbing fake rocks. Hilary turned out to be a BEAST. She did most of the bouldering routines with ease and grace and went to work out in the gym after Kevin and I were ready for naps and death. I wore myself out, but I feel like I'm making a little progress considering the dearth of times I have tried it. I'm able to do routines more quickly, although I still can't finish a lot of them. I need more upper arm strength and then I will be able to do things more easily, I think. In any case it's nice to have an 'athletic activity' that I do once in awhile. How unlike me!

After grabbing food at Zak's burger place on NW Market Street, we grabbed a bus downtown and tried to catch another bus to a game store in upper Queen Anne so Kevin could find this game called 'agricola' that he wanted. I was looking for 'Mexican Train' anyway, so I decided to join him. We sprinted for another bus, catching it narrowly and with awesomeness, and went to the game store. The store was really decked out in all sorts of games, but they did not have the ones we were looking for. A bit disappointed, we returned to my condo to nap until hunger struck again.

Kevin had the idea to take us out for pasta at The Old Spaghetti Factory, where we got to sit in the fake trolley table area and dine on delicious spaghetti and something called a 'strawberry citrus fizz', which was mostly high fructose corn syrup in pretty colors.

I came home on Sunday night to hang out with Megan and we watched the newest episode of America's Next Top Model. I'm not sure if that show is getting stupider or I'm just getting older, but it's probably some combination. O Tyra, why are you so crazy?